The spring season is by nature disjointed given Easter weekend & cup weekends, and this year was no different. With a game on the 21st it would be at least 3 weeks until the boyz would get to strap their boots on again. The 8am game is starting to become a tiresome ritual, but thanks to some worthless litigators from another team the paucity of fields precludes the chance of getting a decent time any more. The Old Boyz were ready to go on time as was a healthy squad sized opposition, but the referee took his own sweet time doing pregame documentation resulting in a 15 minute delay.

When the game started CPR took to the new 4-2-3-1 cautiously. The formation had been broached years ago but only instituted now after the team’s increased familiarity with each other. Ironically, the formation had been created with the two better players it had been designed for both absent, but Jones & Beeman proved to be capable substitutes for Mershon & Morse. Designed to allow the outside midfielders to play higher up the pitch, the attacking formation soon paid dividends. Fink received the ball on the right and lofted a cross to a wide open Teran who superbly finished the move with his head to grant CPR an early lead.

This one goal triggered an avalanche. The attacks and goals that proceeded were dizzying. Fink followed up his assist with a goal of his own, followed by Andy Jones marauding through the defence to clinically finish one of his own. Even the defenders wanted in on the act as Teesdale collected a through ball to score, with Fink & Beeman completing the first half 6-0 demolition.

The obvious half time talk was about maintaining composure and focus as well as continuing to play well. Unfortunately exactly the opposite happened. Hoboken were able to force in a scrappy goal, soon followed by another one. The teams then started trading goals, with Fink beautifully beating the way out of position keeper from almost the halfway line, then crushing a trademark drive with his left foot.

The Hoboken players did not take too well to the shellacking, although judging by their spot at the foot of the table they should be used to it by now. Unnecessary physical contact started to break out, with the referee not doing a whole lot to keep things in check. The boiling point came when one of the Hoboken midfielders went shoulder to shoulder with Edmunds in the midfield. Handbags and hijinks ensued as the Hoboken player got in Edmunds face only to be greeted with a Scottish Handshake. Pulling Edmunds onto the ground was one thing, but the clumsy flying kick that followed got everyone off the bench roaring as the referee cowered on a distant part of the pitch.

Fortunately cooler heads were able to prevail, and order had been restored before the quivering referee slinked in and brandished a red card to both players. One would think that this would calm things down, but one of their players did his level best to goad Andy Jones into a fight, pushing him several times while Andy Jones masterfully kept backing away and pointing his hands at the opponent, then the referee and then an open handed shrug as if to say ‘Referee, can you believe this Philistine? This man is not a Gentleman. I beseech you to do something’. Astonishingly the referee did not even award a yellow card, so CPR had to take matters into their own hands by lofting the ball from the ensuing free kick into the area for Teesdale to score his second.

At this point it appeared both teams were willing the referee to just end the game so that we could all move on (and get to the pub to watch the Liverpool vs ManUre game going on simultaneously). He eventually did, and there was some reasonable exchange of handshakes at the end. Obviously there are still kinks to be ironed out of the system, but it was a promising beginning for sure. Although the other teams have games in hand over the Rangers, points in the bank are still points in the bank, and the extra 5 goals from Sunday won’t hurt a bit, giving CPR the best goal difference in the division.

	At the Preseason/Fink farewell dinner, Fink succumbed to delusions of grandeur in guaranteeing he would score with his right foot. These are the lucky beneficiaries of his largess. Now, if only we could get Adi to make the same bet…

	The side of your leg says ‘Replica’ while the top of my forehead says ‘Desert Eagle’

	Edmunds displayed all the annoying tendencies of Daniel San on the field while sporting the grizzled visage of Mr. Miyagi. His fight with the Hoboken midfielder certainly wasn’t a classic in Karate. Engagement/Marriage does not seem to have mellowed Edmunds out.

	Most teams celebrate a stellar 4 goal man of the match performance. Not the old boyz. The amount of crappy liquour contained in the 5 shots was astounding and disturbing. At least we made sure that he was still alive. I think somebody did.

	At some point, Fink managed to totter outside into the alley. The entire kitchen staff came out to laugh and poke fun. Good times!

Competition: Hoboken FC

Location: Randalls Island #75, Randalls Island

Conditions: Nice brisk spring morning that got warmer as the day wore on.

Fans: 1 (Ken Howe)

Result: 9-4 (6-0 at H/T)

Goals: 1-0: Teran Assist Fink

2-0: Fink Assist Teran

3-0: Jones Assist Beeman

4-0: Teesdale Assist Venkataraman

5-0: Beeman Assist Jones

6-0: Fink Assist Jones

7-2: Fink

8-3: Teesdale Assist Beeman

9-4: Fink Assist Teran

Yellow Cards: N/A

Red Card: Edmunds

Mike D’s aka No Shows: None.

Conboy’s aka Reverse Mike D’s: Clive “Ollie” Morgan

”Mr. Glass” Fragility/Old Man Injury Award: Walby, for waddling on the field and promptly pulling a calf muscle, thus requiring an immediate substitute for the substitute. For the old guard memories were immediately conjured up of the corpulent Nick Stroffolino pulling both hamstrings on “running” out onto the field as a sub.

Old Man of the Match: Several good performances but it was hard to argue against Kevin Fink with a tour de force 4 goals and one assist, although none with his right foot. Perhaps the only person surprised by that was Fink himself. Honorable mentions for Andy Jones who played a strong box to box game and Steve Teesdale, who scored a career high two goals in the same match as a defender.

Old Man of the Bar: Again, strong performances including the usual suspects & Edmunds, who was reveling in the weekend he proposed to his wife. However, Fink was shown no mercy by the crew in being given some of the most vicious shots seen outside of a college bar. 4 goals and a man of the match meant 5 shots, and bookended with Tequila on each side was a Tequila with Tabasco, as well as two other cringe inducing shots including one that contained all the different types of clear liquor the bar had. Fink’s bravado slowly disintegrated as the toxins struck, but he made a heroic comeback to still be at the bar.

Team Bar Showing: 13 out of 16 (81%)

Team Bar Night: 4 ½ out of 5 – Hard to have a much better or more entertaining day at the pub.

Team (No new profiles this week): Mark Resnik (GK) , Steve Teesdale (DF), Marc Walby (DF), Drew Faherty (DF), Mark Edmunds (DF), Scott Shafranek (DF), Clive “Ollie” Morgan (DF), Andy Jones , Jake Beeman, Manohar Venkataraman , Hakan Nizam, Adi Gallagher, John Hodges, Ernesto Teran, Kevin Fink, Mark Becker

Scouting Report: The bottom of the league team certainly played down to their record. Although previously they had given CPR decent games but no danger, this year they paradoxically added more players while not playing as well as before.

Goalie: Two different goalies, same mediocrity (Sorry Lucian!). Grade: D

Defenders: When you give up 6 goals in the first half, you are just not very good. Grade: F.

Midfielders: A couple of decent players, and had decent enough touch. They did make some noise, but it was hard to tell whether it was based on their skill or CPR individuals wanting to go for glory. Based on the first half pounding, it is probably the latter. Grade: D

Strikers: They weren’t able to take advantage of shots earlier in the first half, but managed to pick up some scrappy goals in the second. Grade: C